Processing by Lea I know that I don’t trust my processing of this world, I cannot. My eyes get visual overload whenever there’s a light that is coming in too sharp; when it hits me, I cannot move around safely unless there’s someone I can fix my eyes on, moving slow enough to follow. Besides this, I cannot read facial expressions properly no matter how long I look at them. When someone’s aftershave, perfume or hair spray is too much for my nose, bolts of frustration and a noncooperative stomach overtake me in seconds, so using public transport is very tricky for me even with help. My ears too: as much as I can enjoy some Mozart operas tremendously, just the repeated sound of an electric kettle in the office used to make me feel as deeply hopeless as one of the protagonists halfway through those operas. I will share here what I do trust though, in hopes that it will help you embrace autism more – and me myself. I trust my gut feelings. Even if I often struggle with picking up on others’ subtle messages, sarcasm and hidden meaning, I know instantly when things are out of the usual, when somebody’s falling ill, when something is not functioning. It could be the many little details my neurons are processing – all the time … I trust my heart. Of course, that bit of me is corresponding with autism too, thus my compliments would sound something like: “I love you so much it only took me seven months to tell you about it” or “The more time I spend with you, the less I want to mask” and “You mean so much to me, I already memorised all your routines. Let’s talk about those!” And still, this heart is resilient, dedicated and transparent as heck, take it or leave it. I trust my inner compass. My strong tendency to observe a situation from multiple sides, always weighing up pros and cons. Speaking up when justice is being put down. Not letting go of things that I think deserve more faith injected into them, even when others are heading back to base camp.
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