Small talk wastes time on meaningless platitudes. When I am asked, “how are you?” by a non-autistic person, most frequently they don’t really care. They want me to say, “I am fine, how are you?” They will then say they are fine. We have established a base line and can then move on to whatever it is we really need to talk about. Worst case scenario, comments on the weather will be interjected. This ritual exists to establish a “comfort” level for the non-autistic person. Ironically, autistic people are often cited as having “unnecessary” ritualistic behaviours – and yet non-autistic people have one they engage in whenever they meet. Small talk is like the opening credits to a film. It passes the time, but is, ultimately, not relevant to the story being told. Communication for an autistic person, with a non-autistic person, can therefore be exhausting – mentally and physically. Not only do I have to take what is being said to me, extrapolate what is meaningful and necessary to the conversation and what isn’t based on contextual assumptions, I must simultaneously translate my natural communication style and make it “acceptable”. This is on top of making sure I know what it is we are talking about. The addition of colourful phrases that need onthe-fly deconstructing/reconstructing, so that I can keep track of the conversation, adds extra demands. My lack of engagement in small talk isn’t because I am rude: it is because I genuinely want to understand what you want to say or have something important to tell you, I just don’t need the preamble to do that. I also don’t need a personal connection, as such, for that to happen. A personal connection is not a prerequisite to rational understanding. Non-autistic people tend to postrationalise after an emotional response. Autistic people tend to emotionally respond after rational engagement.
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