By Marion Eye contact and autistics - some of us give lots of eye contact, some give some, and some of us don’t give any. But which eyeball to look at? You’ve got two of them! How long do I look at it for? What’s the golden ratio – how long must I peer into your pupils? Knowing when to look away can be hard. Giving contact for too long can send the wrong message. People usually associate prolonged eye contact with flirting or being aggressive. I accidentally flirted fairly frequently when I was at university! If that makes you chuckle you’re not alone – how silly of me! But it can also put us in danger – accidentally flirting with the wrong person can have serious consequences. Same with coming across as accidentally aggressive. Some folks have told me I came across as aggressive at times when I was just concentrating! Equally dangerous and damaging when trying to build connections with people. Since finding out that I am autistic I give people less eye contact as I no longer feel obligated to. This can make it easier for me to communicate. It often gets misinterpreted as rude, that I am uninterested or not focused enough, when the reality is that I can either look at your eyeballs, or I can pay more attention to you and be more present in the conversation, and focus on what people say and how I want to respond. I love when I am talking with other autistic people who similarly avoid eye contact as they have no expectation of eye contact, we can allow our eyes to drift to wherever we are comfortable. And during lockdowns when we could only communicate with people online we were physically unable to give eye contact, so what’s so important about it anyway?
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